I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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