If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
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