you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
