dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
