god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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