Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
