what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
