I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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