I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
