So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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