i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
