there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize