My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
