When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
