I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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