Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize