he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bring me that man meat
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize