i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize