:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
