I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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