OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
