Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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