totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
