sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
