My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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