He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
