Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
