trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
