even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
