she woke up with a sticky ear
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
