I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What a dumb baby whore.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
