I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
