Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
worst night to have a conscience
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
