2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
