we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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