why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
