what day is it and did you see me today?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
