apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
