I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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