Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
