Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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