Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you didnt know i had herpes?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize