So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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