I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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