Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
