If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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