I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
