my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
