Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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