I faked an abortion last night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
