And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
