next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
