Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
