How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
