i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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