i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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