Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
