Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well you can't waste a boner
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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