where am i from again
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
