Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
