dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
