Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
