If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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