If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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