Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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