corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
