and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
